I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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