so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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