Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
