Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
