she told me i tasted like america
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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