In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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