She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
