Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
