Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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