I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
