I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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