wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
