I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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