Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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