And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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