Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
