Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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