a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
