It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize