remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
