I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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