11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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