I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
