if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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