new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
