I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
