Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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