is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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