i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
