I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
