The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
