Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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