im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
