Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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