rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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