Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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