Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
