no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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