Yo dont text me then not text me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
