Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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