Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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