your room smells of hookers.
And success
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
