Too much gin, very little bucket
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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