why do cheetos always look like penises
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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