in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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