I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
