He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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