Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
