you didnt know i had herpes?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize