i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
