i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude. I can hear the air.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
