you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
