Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
time to smoke my breakfast
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
