that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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