I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
