Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
