they need to just BURY HIM!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
