I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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