The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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