i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
