sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
