It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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