Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
