Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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