Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
