My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
