at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize