Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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