Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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