Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Randomize
