I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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