I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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