Who did Billy Mays play for?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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