What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
