I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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